what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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