So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
