i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
