every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
