I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
