before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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