I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This baby is an asshole
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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