Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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