My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
