There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
