last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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