Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
