I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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