she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
