Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
