I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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