we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
