You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
