Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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