and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
