Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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