someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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