where does the pee come out of this thing
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
