They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
