I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
