Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
