awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
