After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
