Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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