i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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