Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
