he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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