I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
