That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
