you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
