I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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