im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
