can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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