I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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