I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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