two words: eviction party
it's like heaven, but drunker
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
