Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
