oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize