paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He felt like a one man threesome
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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