too bad you live with your parents still
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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