I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Found the puke drawer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
