I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
