also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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