My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
