Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
