I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
