just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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