He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
