she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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