new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
