dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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