he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You pole danced in your parka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
