come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
