In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
