is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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