You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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