I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When are your genitals available?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
