Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
