sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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