ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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