Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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